


Something Missing

by Rilliane



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kallen disagrees, Lelouch isn't happy that he lives, Lelouch lives, Post-Zero Requiem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9714473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rilliane/pseuds/Rilliane
Summary: Kallen wanted to make peace with her past. Lelouch didn't expect to have a future. Together, they might be able to work something out.Post- Zero Requiem





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written as a gift for the Geass Valentines Exchange 2017.  
> The prompt was: Kalulu- meeting after the end of R2.

„What do you mean you can’t tell me?” Kallen’s entire body tensed, and she gripped the arms of her chair tightly.

The man sitting in front of her shifted uncomfortably.

"I am truly sorry. I wish I could, but I just…" he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.

Kallen pursed her lips.

“You can’t or you won’t?”

There was no reply, and the red head steeled herself for what she was about to ask next.

“Do you… do you think I might _desecrate_ it?” It was almost physically painful to ask this. She came here prepared for rejection, but it still stung. The thought that someone could consider her capable of doing something so revolting sickened her.

Orange eyes widened and Kallen felt some tension leave her body. It wasn’t about that, thank God.

Jeremiah Gottwald shook his head before looking at Kallen with almost an apologetic expression.

“Please forgive me if that was the impression you got, I assure you it wasn’t my intention,” he paused, carefully choosing his next words. "You should know you are not an exception. That knowledge hasn't been passed on to anyone."

Kallen looked at him skeptically. She could understand keeping the location a secret, but surely _someone_ else had to know. Nunnally, for example. There was no way the current Britannian Empress wouldn’t want to know where her brother had been buried.

…or would she? They weren’t exactly on the best of terms in the last months…

No, of course she would, Kallen scolded herself. He was her brother, and Nunnally loved him despite everything. She saw her at the parade, through her own tear-filled eyes…

Kallen blinked, realizing she was getting lost in memories. Then she took one look at the blue haired man sited in front of her and finally realized that she wouldn’t get the answer she so desperately wanted. The fact that he seemed so damn sad and apologetic about that actually made it worse. She wanted to scream, she wanted to curse all Britannians to seven hells, and yet… she couldn’t.

The man in front of her seemed tired and weary, and for the first time, Kallen realized that what had happened probably had an impact on him, too. It would be unfair to blame everything on him.

Yes, she was angry. But she had been angry for way too long, and she was also tired of this. She came here because she wanted to make amends, not to start an argument. He wouldn’t tell her? Fine. She’d just have to find another way to make peace with her past. And him.

Slowly, she reached into her pocket and took out a small black object. It felt heavy in her hand, and Kallen had a sudden urge to hide it again, somewhere where no one would find it, and where only she had access to.

But that’s not why she brought it with herself.

“I wanted to leave it on his grave, or something,” she muttered, twirling the black piece in her fingers. "He left it on Ikaruga, after…” she trailed off, eyes turning to the ground. 

After, after. After she betrayed him, she thought but didn't say.

Jeremiah looked first at her, then at the black object clutched tightly in her hand. Realizing that she hadn’t made her intention clear, Kallen extended her arm and offered it to him.

“Please,” she said,” do it for me.”

It was strange, Kallen thought. Before, she would never even consider asking a Britannian for a favor. With her knife, maybe, but not like that.

She also kind of expected to be turned away, because, after all, she had been an enemy. She wasn’t quite prepared for such a… civil and (kind of) warm reception. That threw her off.

It was hard to believe that the war was over and people were moving on.

Jeremiah stared hesitantly at her outstretched hand, and for a moment Kallen felt afraid ( _hopeful_ ) that he would refuse that too. Eventually, he gave up on staring and accepted the object, although with a wary expression on his face.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said.

 

* * *

 

The whole thing had been her mother’s idea. Kallen didn’t even notice that something was wrong until her mother pointed it out.

She had gone back to school, reunited with her friends, and tried to enjoy the peace they had fought so hard to achieve. Only… it didn't quite work out that well.

Out of all the student council members, the only one who remained at Ashford was Rivalz. And while he welcomed her with open arms and (somewhat forced) goofy smile, the empty room was a constant reminder of what they had lost. Even Gino’s reappearance didn’t improve the situation much.

Kallen started regretting sleeping through most of the council meetings in the past. Now she would never get the chance to make up for the lost time.

Rivalz and Gino both made an effort to act as normal as possible, but it wasn't that easy, especially for Rivalz. He and Lelouch had been friends, and Kallen could see that the boy still felt hurt about what happened. Whether it was because of his best friend's death or never getting any clear answers, she didn't know, but she suspected both.

She tried to make it clear that she didn’t mind talking about certain topics, but all she had were her suspicions and hopes, and not the answers they both wanted. And so every time the topic of Zero Requiem inevitably came up, she opened her mouth to say something, only to close it a second later.

The story was too long and not hers to tell. Or maybe she just looked for excuses.

And so the days passed with awkward silences and tentative attempts at going back to normal, and Kallen grew more and more restless every day. She so desperately wanted to move on, only to find herself stuck in the past. She realized she no longer knew how to act normal. Oh, she knew how to _act_. That was all she ever did at school, after all. And being used to acting all the time, she found it strange and awkward to finally behave like _herself_ among Britannians.

Her mood must have shown on her face, because during one of the dinners her mother asked:

“Do you want to talk?”

Kallen started, raising her head to meet her mother’s gentle blue eyes. She bit her lip.

“About what?”

Her mother didn't say anything for a while and Kallen thought that would be it. But after a moment the woman seemed to steel herself, lifting her head and looking her daughter straight in the eyes, and Kallen was taken aback to see such determination in her parent’s gaze. Her mother did recover somewhat after the war, but she was never quite so… strong as before. Not like eight years ago.

"I know what losing someone feels like," her voice shook a little, but she didn't turn her gaze and Kallen was suddenly proud of her. “Boiling up emotions is never good. It can lead to… bad decisions.”

Kallen flinched, realizing what her mother had been referring to. She also felt angry, because _she wasn’t that weak!_ She’d never….

But she could understand where the woman was coming from. She already lost her husband and son, and she almost lost her daughter too. She knew that Kallen was part of the Black Knights, so she must have connected her recent behavior to the war. Kallen never suspected her mother of such perceptiveness.

“I would never do that,” she stated firmly, and she knew that to be true. She had seen what refrain did to people, and she would never allow herself to become one of them, no matter what. But her mother also deserved some honesty, after that show of strength she just exhibited. “But… yes, I lost someone. A good friend."

Her mother took her hand, and Kallen felt like a little girl again, upset that her best friend had to move far away from Japan and she might never see him again.

"I see," she said gently. "Have you talked to him yet?"

Blue eyes widened, and Kallen looked at her mother in shock. _Talked?_ What did she mean by _that_? Was she having delusions again, was that why…

But her mother was already shaking her head, face twisted in regret.

“I put it wrong,” she said quietly, clutching tightly her daughter’s hand. “I meant: have you visited his grave?”

Kallen blinked because that thought had never crossed her mind. Or, maybe it did, but the location was never announced to the public, so she dismissed the notion quickly.

Now that she thought about it, though… Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. She never really got a chance to say a proper goodbye, and maybe that was the problem. She visited Naoto's grave, Shirley's, other Black Knights'… Even when there wasn't a body, there was at least some sort of a memorial.

The world didn’t mourn Lelouch vi Britannia’s death. They celebrated it.

“I… don’t know where it is,” she admitted sheepishly, ducking her head under her mother’s surprised gaze. After all, what kind of friend didn’t know where their friend had been buried?

But her mother didn’t comment on that, instead choosing to ask gently:

“Can’t you find out?”

Could she? There had to be someone who knew. The first that came to mind was Nunnally, but the young empress already had a lot on her plate and Kallen didn’t want to bother her more. Not to mention she was currently in Britannia, establishing the new capital. The second was Zero, but he, likewise, was absent from Japan. And she didn't really want to ask _him_. There were too many things unsaid, and Kallen wasn’t sure what she feared more: confirming her suspicions or denying them.

C.C. disappeared immediately after Zero Requiem, and Kallen had never quite found out what happened to Rolo. She was pretty sure that neither Milly nor Rivalz knew, which left her with a very little spectrum of people. 

Lelouch didn’t trust anyone. Kallen suspected that the only people who weren’t under geass during his reign were Suzaku and C.C., and…

She remembered the man who stood that day before the emperor, hand outstretched when Zero breezed past. Then she remembered Viletta mentioning something about an orange farm, and Kallen made up her mind.

She would at least try.

 

* * *

 (In the end, she didn’t find out anything and she almost gave up hope)

* * *

 

Kallen was in the middle of answering an e-mail from the Astronomy club when there was a knock at the door and a lithe figure stepped inside. The redhead paused, taking in the appearance of the newcomer.

She was short, with light pink hair tied up in a ponytail and rouge-red eyes. She was also lacking what most people coming to the student council room had- an Ashford Academy uniform. Kallen blinked, realizing that she recognized the girl, if not from much personal experience then from the tv.

“You are… Anya Alstreim, aren’t you?” She asked.

The girl- Anya- nodded, simultaneously reaching into her pocket and taking out what looked like a camera phone. She quickly typed something down, before raising the device to her eyes’ level and taking a picture.

Kallen opened her mouth to say something, but the girl beat her to it.

“And you are Kallen Kozuki, the Ace of the Black Knights, correct?”

Kallen nodded warily, recalling the few times she had met the girl. There weren’t many, but Anya was a good friend of Gino,  so they were bound to run into each other a few times during the last war. They had never really spoken to each other, but from what Kallen knew, the girl wasn't that talkative anyway. Some months ago, she would probably look at her with contempt, but they ended up as allies in the end. And if what Gino said was true, she quit the Rounds anyway.

“Are you looking for Gino? He should be back in an hour.” Rivalz decided that three members were definitely not enough to run the student council and set himself and Gino on a mission to find some adequate candidates. Kallen wasn't sure how successful he would be in that regard- the Student Council gained quite a reputation during these last months, what with the Demon Emperor being the former Vice President and the Knight of Zero a member. Not to mention Kallen herself received very varying reactions from the student body. Some were in awe. Most were wary.

Anya shook her head, wandering over to the pin board and gently touching the pictures hanging there.

“I made them,” she said quietly, and Kallen could detect some sadness in her voice. _That’s right_ , she thought. Anya had gone to Ashford for some time together with Suzaku and Gino. Kallen wasn’t sure what was her outlook on the recent events, but looking at a picture and knowing half of these people were dead was bound to make anyone sentimental.

“Then why are you here?” A bit too late, Kallen realized that the question probably sounded rude, but she wasn’t exactly used to beating around the bush. Anya didn’t seem to mind anyway, instead, she turned away from the pin board and came over to the table where Kallen was sitting. She once again reached into her pocket, this time pulling out something way smaller.

"I have something yours," she said, placing the object in front of Kallen.

Kallen’s eyes widened, recognizing the black shape.

“What— Where did you—“

“Are you still looking for him?”

The question snapped Kallen out of her reverie and she raised her head to meet Anya’s blank eyes.

“Him?” She swallowed.

Anya didn't answer at once and Kallen was starting to get annoyed with the other girl. Still, she told herself to be patient, because Anya obviously was here for _something_ and snapping probably wouldn't get her anywhere.

“I help at the orange farm,” she said eventually.

There was a short moment of confusion before the implications finally sunk in and Kallen’s eyes widened. She _did_ remember Gino mentioning something about Anya choosing to work at an orange farm instead of coming to Ashford with him, but she didn't see her anywhere around when she was there two days ago, so she almost forgot about it. Was she there the entire time and Kallen just didn’t notice?

“Have you heard…”

“Yes.”

They stared silently at each other for a few moments and Kallen was starting to get slightly unnerved by the girl’s manner. She kind of reminded her of her old school’s persona, but while the redhead tended to smile at strangers and be overly polite, Anya didn’t seem to have such reservations. She just stared blankly and waited for the other person to make the first move.

Well, beating around the bush wasn’t Kallen’s forte anyway.

“So let me get this straight,” she started, shifting in her chair to fully face the pink haired girl. “Are you telling me you know where the grave is?”

Anya didn’t meet her eyes, instead choosing that moment to once again pick up her phone. She quickly typed something down, before offering the device to Kallen.

“That’s where you should go.”

Kallen glanced down at the screen, seeing a string of words that looked vaguely foreign. Not Japanese and not even Britannian, if she were to take a guess.

“Is it, uh… somewhere in Europe?” She scrunched up her nose, trying to make sense of the written words before giving up. They looked to be mostly names, and she never paid much attention to world’s geography in class.

Anya nodded slowly.

“If you give me your phone number, I can send it to you.”

Kallen reached automatically for her phone, before pausing and looking suspiciously at the girl.

“Wait a moment,” she said slowly. “I thought no one knew about this. So how come that _you_ do?” She wouldn’t be exactly surprised if Gottwald lied. Actually, that would make a lot of sense. Still, the former Knight of Six was one of the last people she would suspect of keeping that secret. Or maybe she just overheard it, like she did Kallen’s conversation.

“It’s the truth,” Anya turned her gaze to the floor. “I wasn’t supposed to know. Jeremiah doesn’t know that I do.”

Kallen nodded, having just confirmed her suspicions.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big secret anyway,” she said bitterly. “I mean, I understand why it shouldn’t be divulged to the world, but certainly _some_ people could…” she trailed off, getting lost in thought. Yes, some people should know. But was she really among those people? Did she deserve that?

Anya took that time to acquire Kallen’s number from her phone, but she paused before giving it back.

"You should probably swear that you won't tell anyone of this. Delete that message later," she said that as an afterthought.

Kallen nodded firmly.

“I swear.”

“I’m serious.”

“…so am I.”

Pale red eyes stared hard into Kallen’s blue ones for a few more moments before Anya probably determined that Kallen was being honest. She gave her the phone back.

“Won’t Gottwald be angry that you told me, though?” She thought back to her conversation with the blue haired man and how reluctant he seemed to divulge any information at all.

“I’m hoping he won’t find out until it’s too late.”

Kallen pointed to the black object still laying on the table. Anya shrugged.

“I replaced it,” she said offhandedly, turning to the door.

“Wait a moment,” Kallen interjected quickly, standing from her chair. “Why are you even helping me?”

Anya stopped with her hand on the door knob, turning her head slightly to look at Kallen.

“I don’t know. You looked lonely.”

“That’s the only reason?”

There was a slight pause before the pink haired girl spoke up again.

“Someone helped me before. I thought I could help someone else, too,” she said quietly.

“And did you tell anyone else?” Kallen wasn’t sure why she was bombarding the girl with questions. By all means, she got what she wanted, so she probably should have stayed quiet. But after she finally found someone who was willing to tell her _something,_ she just couldn’t contain her curiosity.

Anya shook her head.

“I never got the chance. You were the first one who was at hand. And I know that you cried."

Kallen felt taken aback. Cried? She didn't cry when she was at the orange farm. In fact, the last time she cried was—

Right. Anya was among those to be executed during Zero Requiem. She probably saw Kallen then.

(And wasn’t that suspicious that a clear enemy of the emperor was now living with one of his most loyal supporters?

Right. Not going there.)

“I hope I didn’t make a mistake,” she said at last, before opening the door and leaving Kallen alone with her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Kallen waited until Friday before undertaking her journey. She had already missed enough classes during the last year, so she wasn't about to waste any more time. Not to mention she had to repeat the whole year. Rivalz was already laughing that she would have to run the Student Council alone the next year.

And she really wanted to take Rivalz with her. She knew the boy would greatly appreciate that gesture, but she promised Anya. She wasn't about to destroy that trust.

The airline tickets to the former E.U. turned out to be ridiculously expensive, but she didn't have much choice if she wanted to go through with her plan. It wasn't like she could fly there in her Knightmare, after all.

(Once again she cursed Gottwald for choosing such a distant place. What was even the _point_?)

After a long and exhausting flight, Kallen found herself at the Dublin airport, where she rented a car and decided to drive the rest of the way alone (and wasn’t that a strange feeling, driving a normal car after piloting a Knightmare for so long).

She’d never been to the E.U. before (or anywhere outside of Japan, actually, save for the Chinese Federation) so she was torn between admiring the landscapes and focusing on the road. She wasn’t here as a tourist, after all, and she wasn’t even particularly interested in sightseeing. Now that Japan was free again, she wanted to wholeheartedly enjoy her own country and work towards its betterment. She didn’t need any distractions.

But the navigation led her through many picturesque villages and charming hills, and even she had to admit that Ireland was a beautiful country. Not as beautiful as Japan, of course, but still.

She eventually stopped in a small village that had ‘kill’ in its name (and, _really_?) because the signal ended there and decided that she was officially at a loss.

The village consisted of maybe fifty houses, one store, and a church. Which didn’t tell her _anything at all._

Why had Anya given her such general directions? How the hell was she supposed to find one grave when she had no idea where to start looking? Not to mention she didn’t know _what_ to look for. It wasn't like there would be a grave with the name _Lelouch vi Britannia_ written on it.

For the first time, she started thinking that maybe the girl lied. She was a Britannian after all, who was to say that she wouldn’t enjoy sending Kallen on a trip across the world, only to laugh at her stupidity later? That thought brought a wave of anger, but she quickly quelled it down. There was no reason to jump to conclusions yet.

She tried calling the pink haired girl, but the former knight wasn’t picking up. That only added to Kallen’s anxiety but she decided to _wait_.

She parked her car in front of the store, receiving strange looks from the locals in return, and headed in the most obvious direction she could think of- the church. There had got to be a cemetery there, and while she wasn't sure if Lelouch was even a religious person (she guessed not) that was the only place that came to her mind at that moment.

The cemetery was, as she expected, old and mostly neglected. She searched for any new graves, but the only one she found dated to the year 2016. She expected that, really, but the disappointment still stung. It seemed that she crossed half the world for nothing, and that hurt more than anything else. She’d rather stay in Japan never knowing anything than have hope and then promptly lose it.

She made a mistake trusting a Britannian and now she was paying for it. Why in the world did she even think that they would bury Lelouch in the E.U? That didn’t even make _sense_. So, so stupid.

There was still a chance that the grave _was_ here, but without any directions, there was no way in hell she could find it. And Anya still wasn't picking up her phone.

Agitated, she returned to her car and deflated in the seat. What was she going to do _now_? She assumed that the address would lead her straight to the grave, no that she would have to _look_ for it. If it wasn't one big joke in the first place.

She had a booked flight on Sunday, and she planned to spend two nights in the city after she got what she wanted. Now, though, she was left with nothing, and she had no idea what to do next. There was still a chance that Anya would eventually call her back, and she didn't really want to drive to Dublin only to come here again.

Sighing, she got out of the car and entered the store. The clerk sent her a curious glance, probably not used to outsiders, and asked:

“What can I do for you?”

Kallen opened her mouth, then closed it. What was she going to ask? _Did anyone bury a Britannian Emperor around here lately?_ Yeah, right.

“I don’t, uh, suppose there are any hotels around here?”

The man's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline, and Kallen winced. Talk about stating the obvious. 

"I'm afraid not," he said, sounding amused. "But if you need to stay only for one night, I'm sure you'll be able to find something."

Kallen perked up at that.

“Really? Where?”

The clerk leaned against the counter, bringing a finger to his mouth.

“Well, The MacGraths have an empty room since their daughter left,” he mused. “Or The Smiths. Or The Brennans. And if none of these works out, you can always try that house at the end of the road. I’m pretty sure there’s only one person living there.”

Kallen thanked him, gathered all the addresses, and left the store.

The first house she approached- belonging to the MacGrath family- turned out to be empty. Either they just left or haven't come back yet.

The second one- The Brennan's- was in turn filled to the brim.

“I’m sorry,” Mrs. Smith said, "but we have guests tonight. Maybe you should try with The Brennans?”

The Brennans’ door were opened by a teenage girl maybe four years younger than Kallen, who gave her a stink eye and said, "My parents are not home, so I can't let strangers in. Sorry,” and she shut the door in her face.

Approaching the last house, Kallen already resigned herself to the thought that she would have to return to Dublin that night. It was already getting late, so she wasn't particularly looking forward to that drive.

Absentmindedly, she noticed that she was once again in the very same place she originally stopped her car, where the navigation ended. There were obviously no graves around, so she just concluded that the village was the destination.

…maybe she should have looked around that place. For a stone, or a  memorial, or _something_.

 _Tomorrow,_ she decided. After she managed to find an accommodation.

She knocked, and after a few moments the door opened--

“Hi, uh, look, I wanted to ask—“

—Only to slam in her face a few seconds later.

“Hey, wait—“ Automatically, she put her weight forward and stuck her foot in the door, stopping it from closing. By the time she realized what she was doing, the door already stood ajar while she was holding awkwardly onto the jamb.

“Err, sorry for that.” What was she even apologizing for? _He_ tried to shut the door in her face. That teenage girl from the last house at least had the decency to speak to her first.

But she really didn't fancy having to drive all the way to the city again, so she would be damned if she didn't exhaust all he _r_ options first.

The man behind the door twitched, and Kallen had the time to register that he was probably around her age, with blonde hair that reached to his shoulders and blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

There was also something _very_ familiar about him that Kallen tried to brush off. She had never been to Ireland before, after all.

“Um, look, do you have an empty room? I just need a place to stay for one night. I’ll pay like for a hotel.”

The man furiously shook his head, and Kallen’s brow twitched because he obviously _did_ have a room.  The house was quite big, and she didn't hear any noises from inside, so he probably lived alone. Still, it wasn't like she could force anyone to take her in. Maybe he was just wary of strangers or was afraid that she would steal something.

“Okay, do you perhaps know where I can find something? Is there a motel or an inn within an hour’s drive?”

Shaking of the head again. Kallen was slowly getting annoyed with that attitude. Was the guy mute or something?

“Do you know someone who might know?”

Shake.

“How about a campsite?”

Shake.

Shake.

"A parking?"

“Did anyone do any digging around h—“

**_“No.”_ **

Kallen froze. So did the guy in front of her. A whole minute passed before Kallen finally managed to raise her head and look him in the eyes. Or she would, if he had been looking at her. Instead, the man was purposefully avoiding her gaze, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground. He clutched the doorknob tightly with both his hands like it was a lifesaver.

“Hey.”

Silence.

“Hey.”

No response.

“Look at me!”

Kallen took a step forward and grabbed the front of his shirt, startling him so much that he stumbled back a few steps and mechanically turned his head to look at her.

Blue eyes. She had noticed that fact before and didn't think twice about it. But she saw red hidden under purple before, so what did it matter what the color was?

And all the other features that she previously chose to ignore became clear to her now. The angular face. The high cheekbones. The pale complexion.

“Say something,” she said tersely, because all of these could still be ignored and explained. She could have heard wrong. That whole grave thing was probably getting to her, and she was imagining things. She just needed proof. Then she could apologize and be on her merry way.

And yet there was still no response, and Kallen’s grip on the collar tightened.

Say something, one part of her mind begged, while the other screamed: shut up!

The minutes when they stood there in tense silence were the longest in Kallen’s life. Her gaze never wavered, because she was still looking for _something,_ while the man seemed unable to pull his eyes away from her. And when his lips parted and he finally uttered the one single word she was most afraid ( _hopeful_ ) to hear,  she did the only one thing that seemed logical at that moment.

She spun on her heel and ran.

 

* * *

 

 This couldn’t be happening. There had to be something wrong with her. She must have been so obsessed with finding that damn grave that she started imagining things.

And yet, everything could be explained away but _that_.

_‘Kallen.’_

Why was she even running? She was Kallen Kozuki. She was The Ace of The Black Knights. She was a fighter.  Fighters didn’t run.

Coward, some traitorous part of her brain declared, and she snapped at it to shut up.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. She came here to make peace with her past, not to have everything she knew thrown out of the window. True, she never had any clear answers, but she wanted to _believe_. Believe in the man that the whole world turned their backs on.

Was that all for naught? Was this all just another game? Was the peace they started to finally enjoy just another façade?

She eventually stopped in the middle of a meadow, breathing heavily. Why didn’t she even go to the car? She should have. She could just get inside, put her hands on the steering wheel and safely drive away, forgetting everything that happened today.

No, she couldn’t do that. She had to go back, go back to— to—

She was so stupid. She shouldn’t have run away. He was probably gone by now. Gone because she was too much of a coward to face the truth.

Determined, she turned on her heel—

—only to come to a grinding halt.

“There’s nowhere to run here,” he said quietly. “Where were you going?”

Gone were the blond hair, the glasses, and the blue eyes. If Kallen had any doubts before, they all disappeared now.

She took one step back, then two forward. She stopped a few inches away from him, raising her head so that she could look straight into his eyes. This time he didn’t try to look away.

“Why?” She asked, voice half-broken.

“Why what, Kallen?” His voice was steady and deep, and… And she could recognize that voice anywhere. She heard it almost every night in her dreams, saying her name, calling her, speaking to her…

And oh god, how she missed that voice.

“’Why what?’” She echoed disbelievingly. There were so many questions. Why aren’t you dead? Why did you do all those things? Why did you lie? Why didn’t you trust me?

“Why are you here, Kallen?" He sounded almost tired and wary, and Kallen could see the bags under his eyes. “You obviously didn’t expect to find me here.”

I expected to find your grave, she screamed in her head. That was so ridiculous. With some irony, she noted that the address _was_ right. She just didn’t know what to look for.

Did Anya know? Of course she did, she cursed bitterly, and that only added to her resentment. Of all people, he trusted some Britannian girl instead of her…

“What does it matter? Maybe I came here for vacation. The neighborhood is lovely, I heard,” she replied sarcastically.

He gave her a look that said ‘stop being difficult’ and she almost laughed, because, really, _she_ was the one being difficult? She just found out that someone who she _had seen die_ was alive and kicking, and he had the gall to look down at her. Ridiculous.

“Do forgive my bad manners,” she said mockingly. “I didn’t know this place was already taken. You should have put up some note on the internet. You know, just in case.”

“Kallen…”

“Don’t Kallen me!” She snapped, finally losing her patience. “You can’t just demand answers out of me when you’re not offering any yourself!”

That silenced him for a moment, and he looked over his shoulder at the houses in the distance. Only now did Kallen realize that they were being quite loud and that he came here without his previous disguise. That made her feel a bit guilty for yelling, and that in turn made her angry for feeling guilty. She wasn’t the one at fault here, damn it!

“Maybe we should come inside. We could talk, then.”

Kallen hesitated for a moment, but really, she already knew what her answer would be. She couldn’t turn away now, so the only possible option was to move forward. And if some tiny part of her rejoiced at the thought, she quelled it down. She didn’t need distractions now.

With a hard nod and a glare, she walked towards the house she ran from not so long ago.

 

* * *

 

“So. Talk.” Kallen crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a long stare. She wasn’t going to back down from this.

Lelouch tiredly ran a hand through his hair and asked:

“What exactly do you want to know?”

_She felt like screaming._

“What was Zero Requiem?” She replied eventually, because it all came down to this.

Lelouch was silent for a moment, before he finally lifted his head and looked her in the eyes.

“What do you think it was?”

Kallen almost snapped at him, because _he was still not answering the question._ But then she decided that she could play that game too, even if it frustrated her to no end. Lelouch wasn’t the most patient person in the world, either.

“I don’t know. I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure.” She had hoped, yes. She looked at Zero and thought she understood. She relished in the newfound peace and decided that it all made sense. That the peace he left was all part of a plan.

Only… now the great sacrifice she both admired and despised turned out to be a scam. And that hurt.

Lelouch didn't speak anything for a while, and Kallen was sure that he would ask another evading question. But eventually he said, "I guess there's not much point in lying now. Yes, it was all planned. Focus the world's ire on one person and everyone will unite. And Zero Requiem was supposed to be the perfect end to the war." The last part was spoken bitterly.

Kallen wanted to feel relief at that admission, but there was something so ultimately _wrong_ that she couldn't even force herself to relax. She tried to catch his gaze, but he was no longer looking in her direction. Instead, his eyes were downcast and he was gripping the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turned white.

She swallowed.

“And… This. You planned that too?" She didn't really want to voice that question, but she knew he understood her anyway. She also suspected by now what the answer would be.

“No.”

That explained a lot of things. Why he was so bitter and disappointed, for once. But that didn’t really explain the reason _why_.

At her questioning gaze, Lelouch brought his hand to his neck and shifted the collar of his shirt.

Kallen’s eyes widened.

“That’s what C.C.—“

“That’s a Code, yes. I didn’t get that from C.C., though. It was a parting gift from my father.”

Kallen stared at him, trying to wrap her mind around what he was saying. A Code. Like C.C.’s.  A Code that granted immortality to its bearer. Which meant…

Lelouch nodded to her unspoken question.

“If I get this right, and I’m pretty sure I do, I’m immortal. At least mostly. So no sword or gun can kill me.”

“And you didn’t know that before?!”

Lelouch looked to the side, his gaze becoming even more forlorn.

"No. It turns out that a Code is activated upon your death. I didn't even consider that possibility, let alone..."

He clammed up again, and Kallen took that moment to digest everything she has heard so far. Lelouch was alive. Lelouch was immortal. Lelouch was also very unhappy to be alive and immortal. He was also unhappy to see _her_ , which brought another set of feeling altogether, but it wasn’t the time to focus on that.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but isn’t that, like… a good thing?”

His head snapped in her direction so fast that she flinched. The look he gave her was so hollow and full of despair that she wanted to curl in her chair and disappear.

“’Good thing?’” He rasped, staring at her like she'd lost her mind. "What in the world is good about this situation? I was _supposed_ to die. That was my punishment, for all the things I did. I accepted it. And now…”

“So once something doesn’t go your way you suddenly give up on everything?”

She wasn’t sure what made her say that. He definitely looked tortured enough without her adding fuel to the fire, but maybe that was the problem. She couldn’t stand to see him like that. He was a leader. He was supposed to be a picture of confidence and strength, not a… Not a broken man.

That brought a memory of another time and similar situation, and she opened her mouth to voice her concerns, but whatever words she had on the tip of her tongue were stopped by the ugly grimace on his face.

“You think it’s all that easy, don’t you?” His voice was dripping with malice and his eyes narrowed into slits. “That I’m just acting like a sore loser when I should be grateful for being alive? You don’t understand anything.”

“Why, then explain it to me!” She threw her hands up in mock exasperation.

Lelouch opened his mouth to snap something back, then closed it. His expression suddenly changed, and gone were the angry glares and twisted grimaces, replaced instead by a completely blank face.

“And why should I?” He asked calmly. “I don’t own any explanation to a pa—“

She slapped him. Hard.

“Don’t you dare,” Kallen hissed, leaning across the table. “Don’t you dare push me away again.”

“I’m not—“

“Yes you are,” she stated firmly, holding his gaze for so long that he eventually turned away. That was enough of an answer for her. “I’m not going to fall for that trick again, so you better get used to it.”

Lelouch gritted his teeth and said tightly:

“You should leave, Kallen. If you don’t tell anyone what you saw, the peace will be preserved. Everything will be like it should be.”

“Like hell it will!” She screamed, banging her fists on the table and making him jump. “Do you honestly think I can leave _now_? That I will be able to just go back to my life like nothing happened?”

“I’m sorry,” he said bitterly. “For ruining your life.”

“Damn it, Lelouch!” She yelled. “That’s not what this is about! Do you honestly think I don’t care? Do you think it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re dead or alive?!”

He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn't give him a chance.

"I'm staying, whether you like it or not, so better pull yourself together or I will you.”

Silence reigned after that statement, and Kallen slumped back in her chair, exhausted. Her breathing was ragged, and she could hear her quickly beating heart, but at the same time, she felt better. Lelouch wasn't the only one boiling up emotions.

After a few long minutes, Lelouch finally sighed and got up from his chair.

“I just realized I’m a very poor host. I didn’t even offer you a drink. So. Tea? Coffee?”

Kallen almost laughed, because it sounded so out of place after what they just discussed, but she wisely kept her mouth shut.

“Tea, please.”

When he returned with two steaming cups she noticed that his face was no longer so tense and his gait was much lighter. She took her cup with a quiet ‘thank you', and after that, neither of them said anything for a while. It wasn't as uncomfortable as before, though, so Kallen wasn't in a hurry to break the silence.  She could also see that he was struggling with something, so she didn't want to butt in.

"When I woke up," he said eventually, staring into his cup, "it was long after the ‘execution’ ended. Jeremiah was supposed to take care of my body then. Everything was prepared, you see, the grave, the coffin, everything,” he paused for a moment to take a breath. “And then… surprise.”

Kallen nodded, not wanting to interrupt.

“I wasn’t prepared for this. I told you earlier, that thought never even crossed my mind. So I was quite lost on what to do,” his lips thinned. “And then Jeremiah told me how much time had passed. He was actually about to bury my body, you see, so you can imagine it was quite a while. And then he told me that my sister already said her goodbye, and she wasn't alone."

He stopped for a moment, before raising his eyes to meet hers.

“How could I face them after that? We- Suzaku and I- we had a plan. Both of us were supposed to serve our punishments. I was supposed to die, and he was supposed to live as Zero. It felt like I was cheating.”

“But it wasn’t your fault!”

Lelouch shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s still something that can’t be undone. Suzaku will never forgive me for that. For leaving him with that burden, when I get to walk free.”

Kallen curled her hands into fists and leaned forward onto the table.

“Why? You two were friends, weren’t you?”

Lelouch’s lips tightened, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

“We had an agreement. I broke it. That’s all that matters.”

“And what about your sister? What about Nunnally?” She shot crossly. “Do you think she won’t forgive you too?”

Lelouch sighed, taking a sip from his cup.

“But that’s the problem, Kallen. She was never supposed to. She was supposed to live in that perfect world, no longer threatened by her older brother. For me to come back now… It would put everything to waste.”

“Bullshit,” Kallen got out. “Do you honestly believe Nunnally would rather be empress than have her brother back? You must be truly delusional then.”

His face darkened and he gripped his cup tightly.

“Even _if_ ," he stressed, "it's not like I can just waltz into the palace in Britannia right now.”

"You're right," Kallen said lightly. "You should have done that while they were still in Japan. Speaking of which, _why are you here_?”

Her companion shrugged.

“Well, I figured I need some time to think everything through, so I bought a house in the middle of nowhere and came here.”

“To Ireland.”

“Yes.”

Kallen stared at him for a long moment.

“You sure love to complicate things, don’t you?”

There was a shadow of a smile in his expression.

“Well. Anyway, it’s not like I planned to stay here _forever_. Just until… I thought of a solution.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… I haven’t come up with one yet.”

Kallen rolled her eyes, slumping back in her chair. She picked up her forgotten cup, tasting the already cold tea.

“And you didn’t think that the longer you waited, the harder it would get?”

He flinched, and Kallen knew she hit home. She let out a sigh.

"Honestly, men are so stupid. Sometimes the truth is the easiest solution. And don't you dare tell me that I don't understand- I do. I'm not trying to kill you now, am I?"

Lelouch didn’t look convinced, but instead of pursuing the matter he gave her a strange look.

“That reminds me. _Why_ are you here? Did Jeremiah send you?”

Kallen fiddled with her cup, spilling its contents in the process.

“Uh, no. I mean, I asked him, but he didn’t want to tell me.”

“Tell you what, exactly?”

“Where your grave is.”

He stared at her for a long minute with an unreadable expression before saying:

“Then why are you here? No one besides Jeremiah knew, and I told him to give some evading answers to  Nunnally and Suzaku until I came back. I didn’t want them to visit an empty grave, not when I still couldn’t decide whether to tell them the truth or not.”

“And if you decided not? What would you do then?”

Lelouch shrugged, slumping down in his seat.

“I’d probably find some other way to atone for my sins. Not that it’s possible, but still.”

That statement was so blunt and honest it made Kallen shiver. To be so comfortable with death… It wasn’t natural. Then again, if someone lived their life according to the maxim ‘the only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed’, to be deprived of that choice must have been awful.

“But you still didn’t answer my question.”

She raised her head, noting his hard expression. Right. He was probably worried that someone else knew about his survival. And someone did. The question was… Was that a good or bad thing?

“Do you know Anya Alstreim?”

His brows furrowed.

“The knight of six?”

Kallen nodded.

“Right. You know she lives with Gottwald now?” She waited for confirmation before continuing. “So two days after I talked with him, she visited me at Ashford. She asked if I still wanted to find you—“ and only now did she realize that were the exact words the girl had used, “and gave me the address. I don’t know if Gottwald told her or not, she only said ‘she wasn’t supposed to find out’.”

Lelouch cursed under his breath and gripped the cup tightly.

“She must have heard us talking over the video. Damn it. If she told anyone else…”

"Um, I don't think she has," Kallen offered, shifting in her seat. “At least that’s what she told me.”

Lelouch’s stare clearly said 'And you believed her?'

Kallen wanted to snap something that yes, she did, because clearly, she wasn't lying about this place, but she didn't get a chance.

“I need to call Jeremiah. And probably leave soon. There’s too much of a risk.”

“Oh? And where will you go? To Antarctica this time?”

He glared at her.

“That’s not a laughing matter. What do you think will happen if someone finds out I’m alive?”

Kallen crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a glare of her own.

"You know, I think I know why Anya sent me here. If you looked and sounded so pathetic on that transmission like you did earlier, it's no wonder she was concerned."

His jaw dropped.

“I—“

“Yeah, she even told me ‘I wanted to help someone’. I’m starting to think she didn’t mean me.”

She observed how he worked his jaw, looking like he swallowed something unpleasant. Kallen supposed that she hurt his manly ago, but she didn’t particularly care. If he was going to act like a child, then she would treat him as such.

"So you came here," he finally got out. "You crossed half the world to find one grave."

Kallen felt her cheeks flush, and damn that man. She should have known he wouldn't let that slide.

“Yes,” she tried to keep her voice steady. “I wanted to leave _that_ here You left it on Ikaruga." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the black piece she kept with her at all times.

Lelouch stared at the king piece for a moment before touching it tentatively with his hand. He said, "So you crossed half the world to leave a chess piece on a grave."

Kallen’s ears burned and she sent him a death glare. Did he have to make it sound even _worse_? More importantly, was that a smirk on his face?

"I think it's getting late," he said offhandedly, gathering their empty cups. "You looked for a room, right? I promise I won't charge you like in a hotel."

“Jerk.”

Lelouch winked.

 

* * *

 

Kallen didn't sleep that night. She was too busy listening to any noises coming from the other room, too afraid that if she fell asleep she would wake up in an empty house. And with everything that happened that day, it wasn't like she would be able to sleep anyway.

She still had trouble digesting it. She already came to terms with Lelouch's death after Zero Requiem (kind of) and she never even considered another possibility. And neither did he, it seemed.

The whole situation brought another set of concerns altogether, and she was afraid to even start thinking about the possibilities. The feelings she thought she had buried suddenly resurfaced again, and she wasn't sure how to deal with them.

What was going to happen next? How was she going to live her life now? She wanted to know the truth before, but now that she did, she understood why people thought ignorance was bliss.

Not that she regretted it. Oh no. She was just… confused.

And the silent and empty room really wasn’t making her feel any better. To be left alone with her thoughts at a time like that…

It was around 5 A.M. when she finally decided that she couldn’t stand the silence any longer, and with heavy bags under her eyes she got up from her bed and marched to the kitchen. Only to be met with another surprise.

“Uh. Good morning.”

Lelouch was seated at the table with a steaming mug of coffee in his hand, and from what she could see, he didn’t get much sleep either. His face was pale, his voice hoarse, and he had trouble keeping his eyes open.

How in the world did she miss it when he got up? Was she seriously so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t hear him?

“Coffee?” He asked pleasantly and without waiting for an answer got up from his chair and turned to the coffeemaker. 

“Thanks,” Kallen muttered, accepting the hot beverage. “Why are you up so early?”

Lelouch shot her a look that said ‘Like you’re one to talk’ before shrugging.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Huh.” Some part of her was disturbingly happy that her presence was as distracting to him as his was to her, but another part quickly quelled it down. He was probably just worried that his location could be compromised.

They sat in a pregnant silence for a few minutes, and Kallen struggled with what to say. After a whole sleepless night, she still didn’t come up with any sort of conclusion. Or maybe she just didn’t want to.

"Did you, uh, talk with Orange?" She asked the first question that came to mind, even though she already knew the answer. She heard him talking on the phone yesterday.

He blinked, and she saw him trying to shake off the sleep.

"Yes," he answered slowly. "He was very sorry for allowing that to happen, and he said he'd talk to Anya. He called me later and said that she seemed very honest when she swore she never told anyone else and that she didn't seem to harbor any ill intentions against me. Anymore, at least."

"Did she say why she told me?" She was actually very curious about that part.

Lelouch turned his head to the side, and Kallen could swear she saw a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Basically the same she told you. I guess I really _did_ look pathetic back then.”

Kallen couldn’t help it. She giggled, spilling some of her coffee with her shaking hands.

Lelouch sent her an offended look, but Kallen could see he was actually more embarrassed than angry, which made her laugh even more. When she didn't stop for awhile, he eventually crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.

"Yes, yes, laugh all you want. That doesn't change the fact that the risk still exists and I will need to leave.”

That positively shut her up, and she gave him a serious look.

“Where will you go?”

He shrugged, fiddling with the chess piece she gave him yesterday.

“I haven’t decided yet. Maybe I’ll stay in Europe, maybe not. Antarctica doesn’t sound like a bad idea, actually.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He shrugged again.

Kallen took a sip from her cup, if only to excuse herself from saying anything. She was tired, wary, and she sure as hell wasn't ready for any serious conversations. So in order to change the subject, she asked, "I don't think I will get any sleep tonight, and you probably won't either. So how about we see a movie or something?"

He gave her a look that questioned her sanity, and she shrugged.

“Do you have any better idea? Unless you want to start packing now.”

So they ended up squeezed on the couch, watching some random movie that Kallen had no idea what was about because she had fallen asleep after the first fifteen minutes, comfortably leaning against something soft.

 

* * *

 

When she woke up, it was to the smell of fried eggs and bacon. It took her a whole ten minutes to remember that her mother never prepared such western breakfast, and when the realization finally hit, she was scrambling out of the couch in a frenzy, throwing the blanket aside (and where did _that_ come from?).

Kallen rushed to the kitchen with a wildly beating heart, only to stop stupefied at the threshold. It took her sleepy mind a few moments to process what she was seeing, and when she finally did, she let out a snort.

“Seriously. You couldn’t have thought of something better?”

Lelouch, once again blond haired and blue eyed, turned from the kitchenette with a raised brow.

“And what is wrong with _that_? It’s a stark contrast to what I normally look like.”

“Yeah. You look like Prince Clovis.”

Silence. Then—

“ _What?”_

* * *

 

Kallen happily dug into her breakfast, completely ignoring her sulking companion. Lelouch was busy shooting disgusting looks into the mirror, looking like he'd like nothing more than to take the wig off. If it wasn't the middle of the day, he would probably do just that.

“By the way, you didn’t mention C.C.  yesterday. Why didn’t you call her? You can’t tell me _she_ wouldn’t understand.”

Lelouch’s lips thinned, and Kallen knew she asked the wrong question. Still, it was too late to take it back, so she waited for him to drop the bomb—

“I didn’t want her to pity me.”

…yeah, definitely the wrong question. She quickly changed the subject.

“And how come no one here recognized you? I mean, the ridiculous disguise aside, they’ve got to heard your voice on TV."

Lelouch shot her a mildly annoyed look, and Kallen breathed a sigh of relief because that meant she managed to take his mind off worse things.

“They think that I’m French and not understand a word of what they’re saying. That’s why they haven’t been bothering me much.”

“Seriously? That’s all?”

Lelouch shrugged, twirling the fork in his hand.

“It’s not like people expect to suddenly meet a dead Britannian Emperor. Even if they can see some similarities, they quickly brush it off as coincidence. To be honest, I'm pretty sure I could walk here looking like myself, and no one would say a word. Not that I'm going to risk it."

Kallen nodded, chewing, because that kind of made sense. She was quick to dismiss any similarities when she first saw him, so she supposed most people wouldn’t have that problem either. The idea of the majestic emperor suddenly walking the streets in jeans and a t-shirt was laughable at best.

“Anyway. How about you tell me what’s happening in Japan now?”

So she told him. Told him about the ongoing changes and reconstruction in Tokyo and beyond, about the Ashford Academy, about Tamaki’s bar, and about Ougi and Viletta’s planned wedding. She omitted some parts, like the awkward moments in school and her own problems with acclimating. She figured some things were better to leave for another time.

Lelouch listened mostly without interrupting, but he threw a few questions here and there, and Kallen did her best to answer. Overall, he seemed pretty interested in the current affairs, and Kallen realized that besides Jeremiah Gottwald, she was probably the first person to talk to him for a very long time.

Then he asked the final question.

“When are you going back? You do have a booked flight, don’t you?”

Kallen got up from the table and pretended to busy herself with doing the dishes.

“Oh, yeah. On Sunday.” She turned her head just a little to catch his expression and felt satisfaction upon seeing his downcast look. Then she felt bad for feeling like that.

"I see," he tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but now that she looked for it, she could clearly hear it. "That's good, I guess. I'll probably leave tomorrow, too."

“Mmm. Why not today?”

He shot her a confused glance.

“What?”

Kallen turned around and folded her still wet hands over her chest.

"We could go to the city today, do something, stay in a hotel, and then leave tomorrow."

Lelouch looked at her skeptically, and Kallen prepared herself for a long fight.

“What’s the point? It’s too much of a risk.”

“You’d have to go there anyway if you wanted to leave by plane,” she argued. “You said it yourself: there’s a very small chance of you being recognized, especially in that ridiculous disguise of yours. You’ll just have to modulate your voice a bit and it will be fine.”

“But why? We could just leave tomorrow. What’s the point of prolonging the stay there?”

Kallen shot him a disappointed look.

“So you don’t want to?”

“That’s not what I—“

“It’s alright, I guess. It was only a suggestion.”

“Kallen…”

“Yes?”

He was silent for a moment before he finally let out a sigh and relented.

"Fine, if that's so important to you. But you have to promise me to be careful. And you will wear a disguise, too. You're a prominent member of the Black Knights, what if _you_ draw attention to yourself?”

Kallen winced, imagining all the atrocious costumes he could have, but eventually nodded.

“Alright.”

 

* * *

 

She ended up with short black hair instead of red and decided that it could be worse. They stopped in a small hotel on the outskirts of the city, with no security or cameras, because Lelouch was too paranoid for anything else.

“So? What do you want to do?”

"Let's go to the city center and we'll see."

It took another half an hour of convincing before he finally gave in and agreed to go along with her plans. They took a bus, and after thirty or so minutes found themselves on the busy streets of Dublin.

“I think I’m hungry. Aren’t you?”

They entered some cheap restaurant that was selling mostly fast foods, and Kallen found herself devouring everything with gusto.

“God, how can you be in such a good condition if you eat like _that_?” Lelouch looked positively outraged, and Kallen stuck out her tongue at him.

“That’s coming from a stick.”

After that, Kallen proclaimed that because of his snoring, she missed almost entirety of the morning movie, so they went to a cinema next.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was a date,” said Lelouch dryly, and Kallen threw popcorn at him.

         

* * *

      

“I know what you’re doing,” Lelouch proclaimed after they found a secluded place in a pub a few hours later.

“Really. Do tell.”

“You’re trying to distract me,” he sounded almost accusingly.

Kallen took a sip from her glass and gave a dramatic sigh.

“My evil plan has been compromised. What will I do now?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes and leaned back in his armchair. Kallen still couldn’t get used to his appearance, but she had to admit it worked- practically no one gave him a second glance, and if they did, they were quick to turn away. The Demon Emperor was dead. Only Lelouch remained.

“Honestly,” he said with mild exasperation, but there was no ill meaning behind his words.

“Did it work, at least?” She asked, eyeing his still full glass. She already drank at least half of hers.

“Absolutely not,” he denied vehemently, but there was something akin to a smile in his voice, so Kallen didn’t think much of this.

“I knew it," she said resignedly. "I'm an awful company, aren't I?"

“That’s not what I—“ he stopped short at the victorious smirk on her face and scoffed, finally starting to drink his Guinness. “You’re definitely an awful person.”

“You hurt me.”

They descended into comfortable silence after that, and Kallen discovered that she hadn't felt so relaxed since the war ended. There was always this feeling of something missing, something that kept her apart from the celebrating crowd. She was happy that Japan was free. She’d just prefer that the freedom wasn’t won at such a cost.

“I’ll go get refills,” she said, picking up her already empty glass from the table.

Yes, everything was finally falling into place. She wasn’t going to let it break apart again.

 

* * *

 

“God, I can’t believe you’re so drunk after only two beers.”

"Shut up," Kallen muttered, smacking him in the arm. “Am not drunk.”

Lelouch gave her a doubtful glance, steering her in the direction of a taxi.

“Whatever you say.”

After they got inside the car and Lelouch gave the address to the driver, Kallen started giggling uncontrollably.

“God, your accent’s _so_ funny! Say that again!”

The look that he gave her was more worried than annoyed, so Kallen leaned closer and whispered in his ear, "No worry,” she said conspiratorially, “am not gonna tell anything. About _you_ _know what_.”

After that he became even more paranoid than before, shooting worried looks in the driver’s direction every time Kallen opened her mouth. The driver, on the other hand, seemed completely used to drunk people in his car, so he didn’t spare them another glance.

When they finally got out of the taxi in front of their hotel, Lelouch looked like Christmas has come early. He dragged her up the stairs, not bothering to say anything to the receptionist and promptly delivered her to bed.

“Mghh,” Kallen rolled to the edge of the bed. “Why you’re so sober?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes.

“Because I’m not irresponsible. Now sleep.”

"Don't tell me what to do," she muttered, squeezing her white pillow tightly.

“Of course.”

After a moment, Kallen shut her eyes and murmured, "Hey, Lelouch?”

“Yes?”

“Did you have fun today?”

There was a short pause, then—

“…Yes.”

Kallen hummed, before turning on her side to face the wall.

“Hey, Lelouch?”

“Yes?” Warier this time.

“I love you.”

The silence after that lasted much longer than before and was punctuated only by their soft breathing. Just when Kallen started thinking that maybe he had fallen asleep, a soft, almost inaudible voice could be heard from the other side of the room, so quiet that Kallen almost missed it.

“…I love you too.”

Kallen smiled.

 

* * *

 

“We’re going to be late!”

“You’re overreacting. We’ll be _fine_.”

"Your check-in time ends in 10 minutes, and we're nowhere near the airport!"

“I told you, it will be _fine_. Anyway, have you decided where to go?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll just pick some random destination. I didn’t want to book anything in advance.”

"I see. How are you even going to do this? Do you have a fake I.D. or something?”

“Yes. I had many of them made when I was still Emperor. They’re practically genuine.”

Kallen hummed, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel. Lelouch was impatiently fidgeting in his seat.

“Can’t you go _faster_?”

“It’d be against the speed limits.”

Lelouch stared at her as if she’d gone mad.

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“What? It’s true.”

Lelouch groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“I'm beginning to have a very bad feeling about this," he announced,  massaging his temples.

“You’re always so negative. Why don’t you focus on the good things?”

“Like what?”

“The weather’s great.”

He gave her a look that said ‘I’m starting to believe you’re mad’.

“You seem to be in an uncharacteristically good mood.”

“Like I said, the weather’s great.”

They arrived at the car park precisely at 3 P.M., and Kallen immediately proceeded to return the car keys, despite Lelouch’s protests that he could do it.

It was already 10 minutes late when they finally appeared at the check-in counter.

“I’m sorry, but you’re late. I can’t let you in.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lelouch muttered, and Kallen had to admit that his accent _was_ funny. “When’s the next flight to Tokyo?”

“In five hours, sir.”

Lelouch opened his mouth to say something, but Kallen grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

“Thank you for your assistance. It will be all.”

He didn’t say anything while she was dragging him away, but once they stopped in a secluded place he turned sharply and gave her a hard stare.

“You planned this, didn’t you?”

Kallen gave him her most innocent look.

“Planned? What?”

Lelouch sent her a glare, and Kallen rolled her eyes.

“I never planned to get on this plane in the first place, idiot.”

“Kallen…”

Kallen raised her finger to his lips, stopping him from continuing.

“No, no _Kallen,”_ she said, holding his gaze. “I let you go once. I’m not doing that again.”

“You have your life!” He hissed, keeping his voice down. “Your friends, family… You finally have your country!”

Kallen took a deep breath.

“Do you remember when you asked me to go back to Ashford with you?” She watched him swallow audibly before continuing. “Well, I did. And it wasn’t the same. Everything, _everything_ just reminded me of you. Why do you think I came here? I thought it would help,” she paused, gathering her thoughts. “And it did. I found you. I can’t just go back _now_. Not alone.”

His face looked pained, and she could see he had troubles with choosing his next words.

“You can’t just throw away your whole life because—“

"You said you loved me. Was that a lie?"

He jerked back, and Kallen knew he thought she didn’t hear him. He started opening his mouth, but she beat him to it.

"Because if no, then I don't want to hear any of this ‘If you love something, let it go' shit. I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve me or whatever, I promised myself long ago that I’d follow you to hell if only you said something back then. And there’s no war anymore, I won’t be ‘changing sides’, so you can’t rationally justify sending me away.”

His hand went to his neck, and Kallen was quick to scoff.

"If you think something like that is going to deter me, then you're sorely mistaken, sir. I don't care."

“You’ll grow old and I…”

“Oh? So what you’re saying is that it will bother you when I get all wrinkled?”

Lelouch buried his face in his hands and sighed.

“Nothing I say will convince you, right?”

“Nope.”

"Living like that… It's not _fair_ …”

“ _Talk_ to them first before you jump to any conclusions. You don’t want to ruin my life? _Then come with me_. You can live on that orange farm or whatever. It will be _fine_.”

He was still hesitating, so she grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at her.

“Look me in the eyes,” she said, searching his gaze, “look mi in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want it. That I’m delusional and you want nothing to do with me.”

She thought he would. He already did that twice, why not again? She braced herself for the rejection that was sure to come, so she was completely unprepared for the kiss that followed.

She stood there for a minute, stupefied, before she finally remembered herself and wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him closer.

“Was that to shut me up?” She asked suspiciously after they finally drew apart.

Lelouch rolled his eyes and took her hand, pulling her in the direction of the restaurants.

"Do you want something to eat? We have five hours before our next flight."

Kallen smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any doubts concerning Lelouch's disguise, all I have to say is: Clark Kent. And Sayoko. But mostly Clark Kent.  
> Happy Valentine's Day!^^


End file.
